As I close the car door and back down the driveway, I take one last look in the rearview mirror. Cute outfit, make-up on and hair styled. That is the easy part of this evening. Putting the car in drive and going forward is the difficult part. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I began to slowly roll forward. I want to put the car in reverse and return home, but I know this is a drive I need to make.
I ask God, many times during the next forty-minutes, for the courage and confidence to walk through the doors at the end of this journey. To help keep my mind distracted, I open the sunroof and put on some happy music, music that will put a smile on my face. Singing and smiling, I try to sweep away the nerves that are so desperately attempting to plaster an insecure frown across my face. My inner voice is telling me to just keep smiling, fake it till you make it. The funny thing about putting a smile on your face is that not only do others think you’re happy, your inner soul also begins to believe and feel you are happy as well.
I make it to my destination and find a parking place. Getting out of the car and identifying the entry door, I walk forward while saying one last prayer as I crossed the long parking lot. My heart is pounding again. Insecurities and self-doubt filling my thoughts. Smile, pull open the door and walk through, I told myself. There. Another hurdle on this journey is crossed. You see, going to bars and hanging out has never been my style. This is very much out of my comfort zone.
Now inside, I need to find a room at the back that has been reserved for this gathering. There it is. Okay, all I need to do now is maintain a smile and not trip over my feet and fall while walking across the room. My body is filled with nerves. I begin the weave through the tables of loud and laughing people while also dodging the wait staff busily shuffling around like worker bees. Once across, it will be time to face the last and by far the most difficult hurdle of the night… walking into a room of TOTAL strangers where I will be expected to socialize for the next couple of hours. This is my last opportunity to turn back and head home without anyone ever knowing of my retreat.
The diverse mix of strangers I am about to face on the other side of the door are all part of a backpacking group. Backpacking is something I have been curious about since childhood. The thought of having everything you need for survival packed neatly and compactly in a pack on your back is very appealing to me. There is only one problem. I have no idea of how to backpack. What’s needed, where do you go and who do you go with? The answers to these, and many other questions, are on the other side of the door. I just need to walk in.
Talking to a stranger in an elevator or someone sitting in a waiting room has always been easy for me. However, standing around and socializing is very difficult and uncomfortable, even when I know the people. A room filled with people unknow to me? I need God’s help with this one!
I walk in.
Only a handful of people have arrived. I find a sofa and have a seat to settle my nerves. A server comes by. I order my only drink of the night, mainly to keep my hands busy and eyes off the floor. The person next to me introduces himself. The conversation is easy. I am introduced to everyone else in the room and all who enter over the course of the evening. What a friendly group of people! By the end of the night I knew I would be back again next month.
In fact, I could be found there the second Tuesday of every month for the next few years. This one act of courageously walking in lead me to “my people” and many adventures of a lifetime otherwise missed. I’m so glad I didn’t cave in to my fears! For the drive home that night, there was a genuine smile on my face and joy in my heart.
I ask God, many times during the next forty-minutes, for the courage and confidence to walk through the doors at the end of this journey. To help keep my mind distracted, I open the sunroof and put on some happy music, music that will put a smile on my face. Singing and smiling, I try to sweep away the nerves that are so desperately attempting to plaster an insecure frown across my face. My inner voice is telling me to just keep smiling, fake it till you make it. The funny thing about putting a smile on your face is that not only do others think you’re happy, your inner soul also begins to believe and feel you are happy as well.
I make it to my destination and find a parking place. Getting out of the car and identifying the entry door, I walk forward while saying one last prayer as I crossed the long parking lot. My heart is pounding again. Insecurities and self-doubt filling my thoughts. Smile, pull open the door and walk through, I told myself. There. Another hurdle on this journey is crossed. You see, going to bars and hanging out has never been my style. This is very much out of my comfort zone.
Now inside, I need to find a room at the back that has been reserved for this gathering. There it is. Okay, all I need to do now is maintain a smile and not trip over my feet and fall while walking across the room. My body is filled with nerves. I begin the weave through the tables of loud and laughing people while also dodging the wait staff busily shuffling around like worker bees. Once across, it will be time to face the last and by far the most difficult hurdle of the night… walking into a room of TOTAL strangers where I will be expected to socialize for the next couple of hours. This is my last opportunity to turn back and head home without anyone ever knowing of my retreat.
The diverse mix of strangers I am about to face on the other side of the door are all part of a backpacking group. Backpacking is something I have been curious about since childhood. The thought of having everything you need for survival packed neatly and compactly in a pack on your back is very appealing to me. There is only one problem. I have no idea of how to backpack. What’s needed, where do you go and who do you go with? The answers to these, and many other questions, are on the other side of the door. I just need to walk in.
Talking to a stranger in an elevator or someone sitting in a waiting room has always been easy for me. However, standing around and socializing is very difficult and uncomfortable, even when I know the people. A room filled with people unknow to me? I need God’s help with this one!
I walk in.
Only a handful of people have arrived. I find a sofa and have a seat to settle my nerves. A server comes by. I order my only drink of the night, mainly to keep my hands busy and eyes off the floor. The person next to me introduces himself. The conversation is easy. I am introduced to everyone else in the room and all who enter over the course of the evening. What a friendly group of people! By the end of the night I knew I would be back again next month.
In fact, I could be found there the second Tuesday of every month for the next few years. This one act of courageously walking in lead me to “my people” and many adventures of a lifetime otherwise missed. I’m so glad I didn’t cave in to my fears! For the drive home that night, there was a genuine smile on my face and joy in my heart.
